Lovely Cake with a Recipe

I’m half machine. I’m a monster. Across from where? What’s Spanish for “I know you speak English?” There’s only one man I’ve ever called a coward, and that’s

Ice Scream

Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush. It’s a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezes are cool. I’m the Doctor, I’m worse than everyone’s aunt. *catches himself* And that

Breakfast

It’s a T. It goes “tuh”. Bender, hurry! This fuel’s expensive! Also, we’re dying! For the last time, I don’t like lilacs! Your ‘first’ wife was the one

Minimal Food

I saw you with those two “ladies of the evening” at Elzars. Explain that. I’ll tell them you went down prying the wedding ring off his cold, dead

Pasta with my Husband

I’m afraid I just blue myself. That’s what it said on ‘Ask Jeeves.’ First place chick is hot, but has an attitude, doesn’t date magicians. It’s called ‘taking

My Dinner

As you may or may not know, Lindsay and I have hit a bit of a rough patch. No… but I’d like to be asked! No, I did

I love Cakes

Michael! That’s what it said on ‘Ask Jeeves.’ First place chick is hot, but has an attitude, doesn’t date magicians. No, I did not kill Kitty. However, I

Brunch with Friends

We just call it a sausage. It’s called ‘taking advantage.’ It’s what gets you ahead in life. Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough.