My New Cat

Leave a comment

I’m half machine. I’m a monster. Across from where? What’s Spanish for “I know you speak English?” There’s only one man I’ve ever called a coward, and that’s Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I’m calling you is a television actor. I hear the jury’s still out on science. I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.Read Now

Holidays

Leave a comment

Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush. It’s a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezes are cool. I’m the Doctor, I’m worse than everyone’s aunt. *catches himself* And that is not how I’m introducing myself. No, I’ll fix it. I’m good at fixing rot. Call me the Rotmeister. No, I’m the Doctor. Don’t call me the Rotmeister. I am the last of my species, and IRead Now

My wedding

Leave a comment

It’s a T. It goes “tuh”. Bender, hurry! This fuel’s expensive! Also, we’re dying! For the last time, I don’t like lilacs! Your ‘first’ wife was the one who liked lilacs! Perhaps, but perhaps your civilization is merely the sewer of an even greater society above you! Who am I making this out to? We’re rescuing ya. Why did you bring us here? I daresayRead Now

My Cat

Leave a comment

I’m afraid I just blue myself. That’s what it said on ‘Ask Jeeves.’ First place chick is hot, but has an attitude, doesn’t date magicians. It’s called ‘taking advantage.’ It’s what gets you ahead in life. Guy’s a pro. Whoa, this guy’s straight? Bad news. Andy Griffith turned us down. He didn’t like his trailer. I’m afraid I just blue myself. Now, when you doRead Now

Video Post

Leave a comment

Michael! That’s what it said on ‘Ask Jeeves.’ First place chick is hot, but has an attitude, doesn’t date magicians. No, I did not kill Kitty. However, I am going to oblige and answer the nice officer’s questions because I am an honest man with no secrets to hide. There’s only one man I’ve ever called a coward, and that’s Brian Doyle Murray. No, whatRead Now

Breakfast Playlist

Leave a comment

That’s what it said on ‘Ask Jeeves.’ It’s called ‘taking advantage.’ It’s what gets you ahead in life. Oh, you’re gonna be in a coma, all right. There’s so many poorly chosen words in that sentence. No, I did not kill Kitty. However, I am going to oblige and answer the nice officer’s questions because I am an honest man with no secrets to hide.Read Now